Is sex a form of intimacy?

For most couples, one of the times when they are most aware of being intimate is when they are making love. This is not surprising - sexual activity involves trust and taking the risk of being vulnerable with each other. It is a time when, both physically and emotionally, partners let themselves get close to each other.

Making love can then lead to intimacy. Indeed, this is one of the purposes that sex serves in relationships - bringing the couple back into emotional closeness with each other. A good experience of sex in the relationship often makes it easier to remove the risk involved in talking about other experiences.

Sex cannot, however, carry all the burden of intimacy in the relationship. Being able to share feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, pride - the full range of emotional experiences - is also necessary. Without this, some couples find that after a while they begin to feel lonely and unappreciated however good their love-making might be. It is sometimes necessary for a couple to learn how to be close and express affection for each other without this leading straight on to lovemaking.

This is particularly difficult for some men, who may have been brought up to believe that showing their feelings is somehow a betrayal of their masculinity. When they feel sad, as we all do at times, they can only deal with their sadness by being angry. And when they feel close to their partner, they can only express affection through sex. The more a couple is intimate with each other in ways other than sex, the more rewarding their sex life usually becomes. So, sex and intimacy are not the same, but they are closely related and easily influence each other.