Why do relationships have to change?

All people change over time. We are familiar with the way children change through their physical growth and the development of their personality.

We are, however, less aware of the ways adults change. These changes are less visible and less obvious.

If, however, you were to think back five, ten or twenty years ago you would find your attitudes, your expectations of life, your self-confidence and your interests would have changed in many ways.

Change for adults is gradual, but is still very real. Because adults change, their relationship will also change.

People sometimes complain that their partner has changed. 'They're not the person I met all those years ago!' No - they're not. Chances are they have changed.

Most relationships change a great deal over the years. It is important for couples to realise this, and to be ready for change. Otherwise, perfectly normal changes in their relationship may be seen as a threat or disappointment. This can lead to tension and difficulty in their relationship.

Three types of change occur in relationships:

1. changes in the pattern of the relationship
2. changes caused by the stage of life the couple have reached - the milestones and hurdles of committed relationships
3. changes caused by some of the unexpected events that can occur in anyone's life, such as the unexpected death of a family member.

Although these changes happen to many committed relationships, there will be exceptions. The important thing is not how well your relationship fits the following pattern, but how well you are coping with whatever changes have occurred for you.