How can I encourage my partner to communicate more openly?

Each of us must first accept responsibility for our own feelings. We must start by being honest. This is at the heart of good communication.

Remember, the only things we have total control over are our own thoughts, our own attitudes and our own actions.

• Set aside time for both of you to talk.
• Talking about what is happening and how it affects you is the first step.
• Try to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling and thinking, even if it might upset him/her.
• Don't forget, change can be painful and scary.  Let your partner know that you understand this.
• Listen to your partner.  Put aside your own thoughts for the time being.
• Try to understand his/her intentions, needs and wants.
• State what you want.
• Negotiate.
• What sorts of issues usually need to be discussed in intimate relationships?
• Who is going to do what around the house?
• How is the couple's income going to be shared?
• How much time are you going to spend together and how much time are you going to spend doing things separately?
• What do you expect from each other when it comes to loyalty, trust, sexual faithfulness?
• What you both like or dislike about your sexual relationship?
• If there is a problem with jobs, whose career will take priority - how will this be compensated for over time?
• What is the role of family and friends in your lives?

For a relationship to be good both partners must want to make it work and show good will.  Don't wait for your partner!  You may be pleasantly surprised by how much difference taking the first small step can make!