What are some common myths about stepfamilies?

Myths and misconceptions exist about stepfamilies. These are based on romantic ideals formed by what we read, hear or see portrayed in the media.

Here are some common myths:

"People quickly adjust to being part of a stepfamily."

There is no such thing as an instant adjustment. It will take time and effort for everyone to feel comfortable in the new family. Unfortunately some children may never feel comfortable.

"Loving and caring will develop instantly."

The idea that the new step-parent and step-children will instantly love each other and recognise each other's strengths is unlikely to happen. Love cannot be forced upon each other and the relationship may take time to develop.

"Working hard prevents the development of the "wicked" step-parent image."

Step-parents come into families and frequently work too hard to make everyone in the household happy, and to avoid being seen as the horrible stepmother or stepfather. Unfortunately, this can create tension rather than harmony.

"Anything negative that happens is a result of being in a stepfamily."

Frequently children and adults blame their problems on the fact that they are living in a stepfamily. All families have difficulties, not just stepfamilies.

"Stepfamilies are the same as first-time-round families."

The expectation for the new family to appear like a first-time-round family with two natural parents and their children living in one household together, can cause pain for everyone. It leads to a denial of the existence of other parents and relatives. It is important to accept that the stepfamily will never be the same as the first-time-round family and to see the benefits of being in a stepfamily.